(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)
I am preggo. Preggo I am.
But where will you give birth, ma’am?
Will you do so in a pool?
I’d fall upon my head, you fool.
This discussion makes my face turn red.
I do not like that thought at all.
Will you push upon a chair?
I think that would attract some stares.
I refuse to clean that mess alone.
Who is this doctor? Machiavelli?
If it fails, then I’ll be traumatized.
and so I will not travel far.
I’ll not deliver in a boat –
I look a whale but will not float.
I will not push upon a plane –
the pilot might think it profane.
I will not give birth at the mall.
The cops would not like that at all.
So give me all the drugs you can,
and I’ll be your devoted fan.
I do not wish to scream and shout.
I do not want to flail about.
Preggo I am, and so I pout –.
I hope the child just falls out.