For Christmas, my daughter was given a civilization; as such, my living room now aspires towards a dramatic reenactment of book one of Gulliver’s Travels. It is, however, slightly more treacherous. Lilliputians, I am told, go squish when one steps on them. Fisher Price Little People, on the other hand, are somewhat akin to brightly colored caltrops.
Better still, the ones lacking sharp enough limbs to lodge themselves permanently in the soft part of your foot tend to be oblong to a point where they roll at a moment’s notice–most often in the nanoseconds immediately after one’s foot makes contact with them. Have you ever wondered if, by the time you reached age thirty, you’d be able to perform a successful back flip on a moment’s notice? I know I certainly didn’t. I also know the answer is no. Thank you, Fisher Price–I don’t suppose you happen to manufacture a Slightly Larger People wheelchair by chance? No? Well that’s OK; I’ll just lie here then.
And while I’m lying here, now seems a fine time to assess the exact makeup of my daughter’s Little People hoard–excluding, of course, the one or possibly two lodged, as a result of my fall, somewhere deep in my derrière. Presently, we have less of a cohesive theme and more of a remake of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
From the Middle Ages, we have Little Person Robin Hood, Little Person Joe Dragon, Little Person King Henry, and Little Person King Henry’s Mistress; I say “mistress” because her expression suggests she is far too happy to be one of his wives. Going back further, we have a raft (no pun intended) of Little People Christians, including but not limited to Little Person Noah, Little Person Mary and Joseph, Little Person Jesus, as well as an assortment of Little People livestock and an ark that looks about as seaworthy as a rhinoceros.
Of course, that isn’t all. Going Back to the Future (to continue our backhanded allusions to the 80s), she also possesses the Little Person Industrial Farm Set complete with Little Person Corporate Farmer, another herd of Little People livestock, and an entity known as Afro sheep because we have two Little People Sheep, but only one of them has an Afro.
In true baby fashion, the lack of an overarching unified theme bothers the baby less than me. In her world, Little Person Corporate Farmer lives in Little Person King Henry’s castle. Little Person Baby Jesus spends a great deal of time in the Little Person Dragon’s cave (I don’t recall that verse, but I’m sure it’s somewhere in Revelation). And Little Person Noah spends a great deal of time in the Little Person Industrial Farm silo.
Yet, as already implied, it does bother me–or it did until I realized that, taken together, a theme was staring me in the face. We’ve a castle, a king, Christians, unwashed masses, Afro sheep, livestock, a couple lions, and an unseaworthy boat that vaguely resembles an arena when the top is removed.
Little People Colosseum, anyone?